In high school there was a guy who pursued me relentlessly for two years. I was never very intrigued by him, so I would just pass off his advances as mere annoyances. However, one day his persistence actually paid off and I went out with him, and to my surprise, enjoyed his company. Early on in the ‘relationship’ (If I can call it that at 16) he came over to my house to play board games. (Yes we were wild, reckless teenagers like THAT). Now mind you at this stage, “Ben” didn’t know me well, despite the fact that we went to the same school, we hadn’t spent a lot of time together. We hadn’t punctured through the pretences quite yet.
We were sitting on the floor playing scrabble. I shifted onto my stomach to get more comfortable. I started to create the word SARCASTIC when out of nowhere, something erupts with such astronomical velocity from within me that my bodily functions are forced to oblige. I passed gas. And by passing gas, I mean I basically detonated the most turbulent fart EVER IN THE HISTORY OF HUMANKIND. And recall that I was lying on my stomach, meaning there was nothing (like the plush carpet) to quell the acoustics that suddenly pierced the silence between us. I was mortified. I looked over at Ben, waiting for what I expected to be the most humiliating interaction like, totally, ever, in my 16-year life span on earth. Like totally. He looked at me and burst out laughing. The laughter was irrepressible. I starting cackling, still in disbelief I had done THAT in front of HIM. We laughed until we cried. I was relieved (yes, both with his reaction and gastronomically speaking!). Cutting the cheese in front of said boyfriend wasn’t on my list of things to accomplish in that relationship, but needless to say, we were both more comfortable around each other after that. I mean, it was near impossible to surpass that event on the mortification meter, so it was something we never had to think about in the future. And dear sweet Ben kept seeing me EVEN after that.
Can your most embarrassing dating experience top that?? Let’s hear!
-CJ
I think the first fart in front of each other is an important stage that every relationship goes through. Some can survive it, but others just can’t deal with that level of intimacy.
Agreed. I would have been less horrified if that happened NOW than I was at 16, though. At the time, it felt like the END OF THE WORLD.
Awesome! Like Phronk said, a definite milestone in any relationship. Shoulda married that guy.
It speaks volumes for a 16 year old dude, I suppose!
Absolutely!
This past winter my boyfriend at the time and I went to an NBA game and we got Wendy’s on the way up. He wanted a bit of my chicken burger and I said no b/c he has his own meal. Later after the game- like midnight, we stopped at Taco Bell on the way home and had bean burritos. As you can start to guess, things did not sit well for me. I woke up early in the morning with the worst pain and churning, not sure which end should see the toilet. Without going into too much detail, I was in the bathroom literally ALL day with a bucket in my lap sitting on the throne. I have never experienced sickness like this, nor did I know that your behind could be like a leaky faucet. Let’s just saw my boyfriend and I had no boundaries left after this day. I couldn’t go home because I couldn’t leave the bathroom for that long. He could hear me in the bathroom and would turn the music up so he wouldn’t have to hear me being sick – either way. I found out later that he even peed in an empty bottle b/c I was occupying the bathroom the whole day. What a trooper. It was a humbling experience….and he continued to date me for several more months despite that incident.
It was definitely food poisoning – guessing from Wendy’s as my boyfriend was fine from the Taco Bell. He was very thankful I denied him my chicken burger. Regardless I have not been able to eat re-fried beans or Wendy’s since.
hahaha. The funniest thing about this is that you didn’t share, what a lil’ piggy you are bunbun! And the part about the leaky faucet….been there done that, not fun!
Loved this post! I don’t have an embarrassing dating experience, but I do have an embarrassing farting experience! When I was pregnant, my body hated me and would fart at the strangest times. The most embarrassing time was when I was on the beach sitting with my ex’s sister’s boyfriend and I let the loudest one out. Of course I coughed and shuffled around in the sand, pretending my sandals made that noise in the sand.
He is now my ex’s sister’s fiancee and we still haven’t spoken of said incident. In fact, I still can’t even talk to him because of said incident.
Thank goodness for sand to muffle the sound…a bit
I can’t imagine what happens to the body when it’s pregnant. I have enough troubles with bodily functions NOT being pregnant! You’ll have to share more stories!!
A night of eating under cooked chicken wings and med. rare steak I came home, and didnt feel so well… I knew the food wasnt good but I didn’t want to upset my boyfriend.. I told him it was good and that we should go back soon…Since I wasn’t feeling th best I went to lay on the couch … I got this sudden urge to vomit… I couldnt stop it, I couldnt move.. I leaned over and I am sure that my boyfriend heard my insane noises and he leaped up….
and puked…..
in his hands.
He saved the carpets and from me having to carpets.
AHH! Firstly, what a selfless boyfriend! The poor soul! Now THAT’S a keeper.
Wow what a hilarious blog!! You gotta love ‘Ben’s’ reaction
Loved the blog title too 
Nobody’s ever commented on the title before! *shines imaginary apple on shirt* Thanks! (you should have heard the ALTERNATIVES!)
Thanks Smileyfreak! So glad that farting can unite us all.
I puked*
I totally thought he puked and it was just really weird timing.
Still hilarious though.
That’s exactly what I thought too. That’s probably what I would have done: simultaneous vomitting.
I — I gasped aloud when I read this. The second I read the word “erupts,” I gasped and drew myself up primly like a Proustian aunt, my coffee sloshing perilously in its mug.
Man. Apparently I’m totally prudeish about this stuff. I mean, The Ex and I came to do with the fact that, um, flatulence happens — after living together for three years, we kind of had to — but I’m still never comfortable with even acknowledging the fact that we broke that barrier. Yikes.
Although, just to clarify, lest I seem like the prissiest and most obnoxious person ever, I’m totally into all the gross stuff in a relationship — I used to beg The Ex to let me squeeze his blackheads (and he actually let me, which proves that he is the best bf ever) and demand to look at his Q-Tips after he used them. I’m all about the dude-we-are-just-two-people-alone-against-the-world-and-can-we-talk-about-how-bodies-are-weird vibe. I just have a particular hang-up about … um … gas-passing, I guess. Geez. I can’t even say the word.
Also. Maybe sharing the blackhead-squeezing shifted my body-prissiness pendulum too far the other way. But TOO DANG BAD, guys!
WOAH! That is off the charts on my gross-o-meter!! I’ll admit there’s something deeply satisfying about squeezing blackheads – but that’s my OWN, mind you! I guess your blackhead thing is my gas thing equivalent. Each to her own!