Blonde Monde

If you’re wondering “why the sudden influx of Blondie posts?!” *readership plummets* It’s because CJ is on a lovely two week vacation in a wonderful beach paradise. You’ll still be hearing from her, but less often.

So, Crazy Town and I met online (seriously, I never meet people any other way). This guy had the top three qualities down but the pictures in his profile were all from strange angles. He looked pretty fit, kind of a bit of a skater/snowboard style of dude, fairly good looking etc. I told him I’d meet him there, but that I wouldn’t be able to pick him out of a crowd, so he said he was wearing light pants and a “blue and red sorta striped shirt.” I was hoping the “sorta” actually translated to “I’m wearing a blue and red shirt” so there would be no room for confusion. As discussed in the Transit Attraction entry, I can never recognize people. So I walk into the CASINO (yes, we were visiting the buffet there for dinner. It was actually delicious), wondering where I’m possibly going to find him, and see a glimpse of red and blue to my right. (picture this all in slo mo) I turn to look at him and, as my eyes involuntarily widened, immediately had to make a conscious effort not to show on my face what I was instantly NOT feeling inside. It’s that same feeling as when you go to look into the face of someone’s newborn baby, and you realize they’re one of those ugly babies, but you don’t want the mom to know you think so, so you just keep smiling. Yeah, that was me. (Don’t tell CJ I said that about the babies. ‘Cause all babies are beautiful, right?) So, I was nowhere near attracted to this great, funny, sweet man with all the same values as me. Dinner was fine, but I couldn’t help constantly saying “wow, I’m completely not attracted to him” in my head. I was afraid I’d slip and say it out loud and then have to cover it with “I said, I’m uh, completely distracted, uh, when I swim.” Sigh. I’m not shallow, but I think there needs to be a physical attraction or a long term relationship is never going to work!

So we leave and he says he wants to see me again and I awkwardly spout something about checking my schedule and letting him know, as I’m frantically climbing into my car, trying to avoid any kind of physical contact. If you know me, this is probably more comical, as many a date have ended this way. Then I get the “let’s get together again!” email the next morning and write back telling him (gently) that I wasn’t into him.

“I had a good time chatting with you, but I am sad to say I don’t feel any kind of connection between us that would eventually translate beyond a friendship. I hope you understand, and I hope you eventually find an incredible women to share life with, because you deserve her!”

And then he turned crazy, as they all do. And I got an email referring to my next boyfriend as a “thanksgiving dinner centrepiece” and saying I was pursuing “an ornament and not a boyfriend” (for the record this was all assumptions on his part).

Blondie,  do yourself a favour, and don’t waste your years passing up other nice guys ’cause you’re chasing down a dream, only to end up with a guy you wish had even a spoonful of the “niceness” that we offered.  There’s something about you that inspires eloquence. Listen, at this point I really just want to get past all this awkwardness and be friends. I could see it happening. Not best friends, but friends. Whatdyasay?

Eloquence?! FRIENDS?! So I wrote him a furious email about how he was pretty much assuming EVERYTHING about me incorrectly, and why would he ever want to be friends with the woman he just described? I got a profuse apology email from him and never talked to him again.

Welcome to Crazy Town, where the population is growing daily. What’s the craziest email or phone call you’ve ever received after a date?

- Blondie