Dear Blondes,
Do you believe that once someone has entered the “friend” zone, it is impossible to have a relationship other than friends at that point? If you think this is false, how do you think one can manage it get out of it?
- Just Friends
Dear Just Friends,
Oh the Friend Zone. I’m actually dealing with something similar in my life right now, so I’m glad you asked! I think the main reason people enter the Zone is because of a lack of attraction or chemistry on at least one part. If this is the case, then the Friend Zone is, obviously, the best place to be. The Friend Zone, I believe, is dangerous for ex-couples who want to stay friends. It takes very deliberate keeping of emotions in-check to make sure it doesn’t dissolve into deeper feelings again. Of course, the Friend Zone is delightfully recoverable from in, to my knowledge, two specific instances.
1. The Long Distance Friend Zone - There are two LDFZ that I know of. The first is when two people meet, sorta start dating, and one of them leaves. It takes an INTENSE level of commitment to make the LD relationship work. I hope these abbrevs I’m using don’t ALSO mean something obscene. Some couples opt for a “just friends” approach while they are apart because it’s easier. I believe upon being reunited again that they can easily push the Friend Zone out the window and resume their romance. This applies also to couples who meet online long distance. I think most couples should be entering into the Friend Zone until they have the chance to meet. Of course, upon meeting and finding there is or isn’t chemistry, the Zone adjusts itself accordingly.
2. The “It’s Not an Option” Friend Zone – This happens when two people meet and one or both of them are in other relationships, one of them is leaving for Afghanistan indefinitely, one thinks they’re gay and then realized they aren’t, whatever the case may be. Basically, the option of a relationship together is just not there, and may not even be on the radar. When both become available, I think it’s possible to see things in them that you never saw before and therefore can blow the Friend Zone out of the water.
Basically, if you’re IN the Friend Zone, it’s not so bad! Obviously the other person wouldn’t be the partner that you want them to be and there is a better match out there for both of you.
- Blondie
Readers, help out Just Friends and leave your comments about experiences you’ve had with the Friend Zone.
I hate to say it, but I agree; it’s hard to get out of the Just Friend Zone except under circumstances like these.
But you never know. Countless movies and TV shows center around couples who may or may not ever leave the Friend Zone, and sometimes they do (e.g., Ross/Rachel, Mulder/Scully, [insert non-90s example]). And TV is accurate obvs.
Yes, obvy movies and tv shows are super accurate
Technically, you never *do* know, but if you’re in the Friend Zone, I wouldn’t fight too hard to get out. There’s obvs a better match out there.
The first part of your post really just made my morning. It’s something I’ve been hoping someone would tell me for weeks… and I do hope you’re right about it.
I suppose the only problem with that is whether you or the other person move on and date someone else in that time, and how that can strain the long distance friendship if one half is not looking for anyone else while they’re apart.
Secondly, I agree. The one caveat I think you’ve missed is the “Like, not Love” sort of chemistry. I’ve had that with a few women I’ve met in my time. I met them under the pretense of dating, but found that I really just felt more “friendship” feelings for them than romantic ones.
Yeah, I had a friend last summer who I spent EVERY possible moment with, and we were seriously just friends because that “like, not love” chemistry was there. After a while we were like “Well, should we be a couple?” because it MADE SENSE, but the feelings just weren’t there.
Yes, certainly moving on and getting into another relationship would strain things, but that’s always something a couple has to consider when making the “just friends for now” decision. That’s not really something I can answer for you
Oh my gosh you just described my break-up to a T! I was best friends with a guy for like 8 months and then we ended up eventually becoming a couple because, like you said, “it made sense”. I mean we got together so well, how could we not work together?
After a year in the relationship, he tells me that he’s not “in love” with me anymore even though he loves me as a friend. I think he confused his “friend love” for me with being in “love with me” for awhile and then finally realized it.
It hurt (and still hurts, it’s only been 2 months) like hell, but reading this made me feel so much better. I’m still trying to figure out if we can go back to being friends, especially since he’s found someone new and I haven’t.
Btw, what ever happened with you and that guy? Did you date? Are you still friends?
YAY! I’m glad to be of assistance! No, that guy and I never got together as a couple. We remained close for a while, and he goes to school in a different city. We don’t really talk anymore, sadly, (long story) but it shows me that FOR SURE we would never have worked as a couple.
I agree with your thoughts on this matter, but what if one of the two is worried about losing this friendship the two of them have if they move out of the Zone and it doesn’t work out?
Then does one choose to try and risk, or just sit and wonder?
Well, whenever *I* have been worried about it “not working out,” it’s because I know in advance that it won’t work out, generally based on the strength of my feelings towards the other person. If you’re worried about it, I personally wouldn’t take that romantic step.